I'm spinning out of control!!

My Fiancé used my computer and left his email open so I looked through it. I have done this before with his FB and I actually posted on here about it. I can't help myself.

Once again I found stuff from when we were broken up. (We broke up for abt 10 months at one point). I found emails with other girls and even escorts. He claims he never saw any escorts. But I don't believe him. He says he was devastated that I broke up with him so he was looking for attention.

I know all this stuff happened while we were broken up so I have no right to be mad. I even dated guys during our break too. But I'm disgusted about the things I saw. And for some reason I don't trust him now. So Last night I installed a Keylogger on my computer so the next time he uses it I will be able to capture his passwords.

Why am I torturing myself like this? Why am I sabotaging my relationship with this man who is wonderful to me? I feel like I have lost my mind.