so this is my new day Wednesdays at 5:00pm the only bad thing i can think of is if i have any problems after session she is out of the office until Monday's so she wouldn't get back to me until Monday. thank god i don't need to call her much.

she asked right away how i felt about calling her Tuesday.i said i don't know.i didn't want to tell her all that was going on in my head then.she then said she had my new time and day and she wrote it down and it will be Wednesdays at 5.so I'm not missing next weeks appointment now I'm just seeing her on wed.

i then told her that i felt bad about calling her and thanked her for calling me back on Wednesday and how that helped .i told her that i quit my job but i didn't think that was a bad thing.she asked what i wanted to do and i said hide in the back of a closet for the rest of my lifeand she said that i already do that.and we kind of laughed.

she asked me if i thought that i wouldn't be able to find something that i enjoyed doing and that had people that i liked and that liked me.she said that she thought that was possible for me .i just told her that i didn't believe that at all. not sure about the rest of this i don't remember it all probably because i didn't want to hear what she said. she started talking something about me sharing what is going on would help.i told her that i was scared that she would hate me or get mad at me if i told her what was going on in my mind.she said that i need to see that she has never gotten mad at me for this and i reminded her that i haven't told her what was going through my head so it is working.we had to laugh at that because i think she knew i was right.

the next big think wasi was able to tell her i was scared to tell her what was going through my mind on Monday that if i did she wouldn't have changed my day.then ducked waiting for her response. she talked to me about that a lot .about how it was amazing that i called her and how that was really good.that she understands my fear of asking her for something and if she says no i am devastated and if she said yes i don't deserve it.to this i responded EXACTLY so I'm basically screwed so it is best i just not ask.she said there are ways she can help me with all this and she started hinting about me sharing what was going through my mind.i wasn't able to talk after that but i let her know this .i told her that i cant really deal much more so she let me go a few min early.i was OK with that because i was scared she was going to push me to talk more and i knew i wasn't going to be able to.i already feel like i talked a novel.and i was tired and confused and wasn't paying attention much at that point.but i talked a lot it may have been on a very basic level without a lot of feeling or info but i did open my mouth