Hi people,

I am a British guy, from London, UK. I came across a piece of paper in my brothers bedroom with this written on it, I was going to take a photo of it then post it here, but I don't know how to do that, so have copied it (took me long, lol) . Im kinda worried about him

Hes 25 years old, and has been down since he was about 15, and we can never get anything out of him. He doesn't drink or smoke, so can't see him affected by those things. I want to opinions of how you read this. Here it is:


"Tonight is even worse, on top of all the anxieties and stress I have had, I see something that nearly destroys me altogether
Why me? Why is this happening to me, I feel closed in, trapped, and held by some thing torturous.
Is this really the beginning of the end? Last year was a bit better... the year before even, if slightly, better than that
I know last year, when I was on that forum, I got paranoid a lot, but the way I had been made me like that... wasn't strong enough to even accept things that normally would hurt someone for a few days.

But even though I never met her, she was SPECIAL to me. I saw some of her pictures, and to me was attractive, beautiful... and on top of that, she had great taste in films, music, etc. She had great opinions of films and music and life... she was intelligent, and made me smile, sometimes on the forum.
But shes seemed to forget me, since I left there, she hasn't even bothered to say a "hi" on my you tube channel, how could she seem so interested in talking to me, then not, after i didn't say or do nothing wrong.

I know if someone read this, they would be like.... "WHY are you getting so hung up, and wrecked by a girl, she's just a girl, their are lots of them, etc"
For a passionate and nostalgic person like me, who has never had luck with girls, and has been lonely for the best part of his life.... and then to join an oline community which was to do with a world (The Kinks) I was brought up in, from when I was born more or less, and a world in which I made use of to battle all my inside demons in my early years right up to last year in innocent ways,.... I come across a girl who I mentioned above, who seemed interested in me, being nice to me... she has a certain image in me, its beautiful, but awful

Having absolutely nothing now, and really wishing I could be some one better, to be able to provide happiness and enjoyment to people. Why did she forget me. She is just a side issue, but still feels like a stab in my heart and mind

Then there are the other problems


I feel like I am in a emotional and mental prison...... I just cannot continue.. the thought of it feels unbearable, when I think of it, I see a painful and emotionally killing future

I feel like I am in a cage with emotions and things I fear having a physical, but invisible form, all flying around me in the cage, prodding me, and I have to keep shoving them away, to prevent the image of the things from taking place in my mind.. but when an opening in the cage appears for me to escape, I am terrified from jumping out, in case I go through emotional heartbreak that could crack me forever, and I will not be able to get out of it

While I am still young....

Its like this: If only I could turn the clock back..... try to make my myself appear better on the forum for example, even if I had to lie a little, maybe thats I should have done
I will not live with this...its unbearable
What the hell went wrong... I just feel like screaming, I'm in agony
Every night I have those evil nightmares, hate them, hate them.

I am in the wrong place"


Thanks for reading