I`m 37 years old and I took Elavil and Valium for 8 years and found out after tapering off of them that my cognitive functions are impaired. It`s been one year and a half now since being of any medication and physically I`m ok, not depressed nor anxious, sleep more than enough but my mind works at 60% of the speed it used to have. Things are not getting better and I`m scared. Can't find the right word, spelling mistakes, mind going blank, can't read not because I don`t have patience but because I`m mistaking words and it takes reading few times same sentence in order to get the meaning, takes a long time to understand logical situations..... Then there is the subtle but more insidious and devastating loss of creativity and ability for abstract thinking.
I`m an architect, used to be very creative and can`t really work anymore. My perception of space and creativity are badly altered, my feelings are kind of flat…and it takes long to understand, or worse I realize I can`t really figure things out and act as if I did (pathetic). I sometimes feel like a fraud for trying to fake the one I used to be. I fear I will even forget myself one year ago… that I will loose myself and become this brain damaged, slow person I am now…even my style of dressing is lacking imagination lately …
Strange enough I do have a glimpse of normality every now and then for few hours (except for working memory that`s not getting better) but these moments become spaced away as time is passing by.
I`m wandering if I shouldn`t get back on AD, if this impairment it`s not actually depression or some hidden bipolarity.
From what I gathered from internet these symptoms seem to be related to being bipolar, they are not characteristic for depression... although if an episode of mania means racing thoughts and lots of energy than I am at the opposite point…I never was subject of a manic episode but I was very intense for most of my life…I accomplished a lot quite early, even through my (treated) depression.
Please help me find a diagnosis… Can anybody relate? Anybody has or ever had these symptoms?

Zena