I was diagnosed bipolar back in 2009 after having a manic episode. I didnt believe I was bipolar either. I had been self medicating for years with different pills xanax clonopin and different pain pills. I felt like they kept me normal. I landed in rehab in 2010, suicidal bc i ran out of pills and was very sick and just felt like my whole world was crashing down around me. At rehab they also had a psychiatrist on staff and i was diagnosed bipolar again. I still didnt want to believe it. I was released from rehab. I tried my hardest to not self medicate but again my bipolar was untreated and I needed something to make me feel normal again. So I went on a binge, eating all the pills i could get my hands on and then trying to commit suicide because i knew i was just a screw up. I was admitted to the hospital and was once again diagnosed bipolar and had BPD added as another diagnoses. They put me on the proper medications for bipolar a mood stabilizer and this made a world of difference. I had one more run in with the pills a year later it was just one night though and that night I realized those pills did anything but make me normal. They turned me into a zombified monster. Im telling you what they said above is so true. I have NO cravings for the pills anymore. Its like I was never an addict and I used for 6 years 24/7. I have finally found out what its truly like to feel like a person. Reality isnt so hard for me. Ive been clean 10 months now since my one night dance with the pills. I have no cravings and I can concentrate on my true illness, bipolar disorder. I hope you find your way too.