I'm at a bit of a loss about what to do when I go back to my T on Friday.

Last week she said a few choice things that really set me off and I had to leave in the middle of the session, otherwise I would have become violent towards her. But after thinking about it, the bottom line is that I have to stay with this T (assuming she'll take me back) otherwise I have no therapists available to me... she is my last option left. Where I live, if you are on welfare, the only place you can get therapy is through the community mental health team of your district, which is where I'm seeing her. So its either her or the highway, basically.

I do this "having to leave otherwise I become violent" quite regularly. My first thought is to go in there on Friday and discuss the previous weeks drama, etc. However, that sets me off again and then I have to leave again, which is not a good thing. And then (this is from previous experience) when this continues they start thinking that I am just being difficult and unreasonable and have a bad attitude, and then they stop having sessions with me. So that one is definitely out.

Last time it happened, I went in there thinking "I will leave it up to her and see what she brings up". She didn't bring it up and it was like it never happened, and we kept going. However she was clearly irritated with me and had that look that they get when they think you are just wasting their time or think you aren't dedicated to doing the hard work. That one is better to deal with than them stopping my sessions there, but it is still a bit strange. I'm not sure but this seems like the lesser of two evils. But then a few weeks later I will probably go off again and she will get irritated at me and eventually my sessions will stop because eventually she will get sick of it.

So what do you think I should do? I can't decide. This is my last chance at therapy so I don't want to stuff it up. I asked her if maybe I should bring a rubber band and do the snapping thing on my wrist and see if it works, but she just laughed and changed the subject - I take that as a no.. lol. Arrgghh I don't know what to do! I am absolutely dreading Friday.