LeCigreVolant, Self esteem to me is built on personal accomplishments. I see you have anxiety as I do. Anxiety is a biggy for me, and when starting a new job, I try to force myself to be perfect. Not possible of course, so self expectations sometimes are set way too high and I sabotage myself. When you get used to a job, then you get better and more relaxed with it; kinda becomes second nature.

Sorry you are living around toxic people, that may likely be the reason you want to rise above what you see and hear. Be a better person and want good things for your life. Same here with living with toxic folks as a young child and young adult.

My own life story is of escaping toxic parents and within a year I was flying to far away places, such as France, England, Spain, ect. I was a flight attendent.

Hope you will rise up from the funk/people in your life and go forward with determination. Don't give up on yourself, your all you've got! Hugs, bj