I'm sorry about this. I know no one will probably read this and I'm just a burden on everyone. But I just need to know, I'm at the end of my rope.

I won't go into the delusions and hallucinations now because I've brought them up before and probably just annoys you further. I feel helpless, hopeless and unhappy, all of the time. I have no hope, I have no motivation and I don't see the point in anything anymore. I want to press a button and let the ground swallow me. I hate myself so much, I want to SI again but I promised my mother I wouldn't. Everyone hates me and has turned against me. I want to kill myself and a voice keeps telling me to or my mother will die. I feel depressed and I hate being in social situations. I feel paranoid a lot and don't like anything I used to. I can't find joy in barely anything anymore. I am extremely anxious and lonely most of the time and I have no one to talk to. I feel empty, detatched from everything and everyone.

I can't trust anyone. They will turn against me and they hate me anyway. I am worthless. I cry a lot and feel tired constantly. I can sleep for about nine hours and feel shattered from the minute i wake up to when i fall asleep. I have moments of feeling intense and unstoppable, and I make rash decisions, but then I crash back down again. I feel trapped and really irritable. I don't deserve anything I have and I don't know what to do anymore. I can't even remember what being truly happy feels like.

What is wrong with me. Is this depression in your opinion? Or something else?