Quote:
Originally Posted by WelcomeToTheJungle
I'm sorry about this. I know no one will probably read this and I'm just a burden on everyone. But I just need to know, I'm at the end of my rope.
I won't go into the delusions and hallucinations now because I've brought them up before and probably just annoys you further. I feel helpless, hopeless and unhappy, all of the time. I have no hope, I have no motivation and I don't see the point in anything anymore. I want to press a button and let the ground swallow me. I hate myself so much, I want to SI again but I promised my mother I wouldn't. Everyone hates me and has turned against me. I want to kill myself and a voice keeps telling me to or my mother will die. I feel depressed and I hate being in social situations. I feel paranoid a lot and don't like anything I used to. I can't find joy in barely anything anymore. I am extremely anxious and lonely most of the time and I have no one to talk to. I feel empty, detatched from everything and everyone.
I can't trust anyone. They will turn against me and they hate me anyway. I am worthless. I cry a lot and feel tired constantly. I can sleep for about nine hours and feel shattered from the minute i wake up to when i fall asleep. I have moments of feeling intense and unstoppable, and I make rash decisions, but then I crash back down again. I feel trapped and really irritable. I don't deserve anything I have and I don't know what to do anymore. I can't even remember what being truly happy feels like.
What is wrong with me. Is this depression in your opinion? Or something else?
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Im sorry but we cant tell you if this is depression or not. all we can do is tell you what these symptoms were called with in us by our own treatment providers.
in me these symptoms were-
PTSD
medication problems - medication too high/too low/ not the right kind
dissociation problems
psychosis brought on by medications
bipolar disorder
dehydration
poor diet
the flu
seasonal depression
I also know some people with these same symptoms and their problem was -
schizophrenia disorders
borderline personality disorder
PTSD
panic/Anxiety disorders
cancer
Alzheimer's
if you google your symptoms you will find these same symptoms fit millions of physical and mental health disorders/diseases.
only your treatment provider can tell you what these symptoms are with in you.
my suggestion contact your treatment providers. they can narrow down all the possible diseases /disorders down to what ever this is with in you.