I'm sorry that you're feeling so miserable and unloved.

I can relate to a lot of the symptoms you posted. I can understand that you feel these things, see, and hear things. Sounds like you need to work with a doctor asap for diagnosis and medication/s to help make life a little more liveable.

I wish that I could help you feel better ~ and tell you what needs to be done. Of course, I can't do that. I can only strongly encourage you to please get some assistance.