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It seems to be more the doctors who aren't taking me seriously.
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Can you find another doctor somehow? Sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right person.
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Being called fat from the age of 5, nicknames like chubs and little snide comments like 'pull your tummy in chubs' were a part of my striving for perfection through how I look. Also being told I'm NOT and never will be good enough, is part of that. I know that. So I'm always trying to be BETTER, MORE than good enough..
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Such horrible, mean comments...but for some reason us human beings hang on to negative words for dear life... wonder why we are programmed like that?? why can't we remember only the nice words..? and oh dear, you are in the modeling world, where looks are all that matters. But I know you are so much more.
I won't go into detail, but let's just say I was sexually assaulted a few years ago, when I was 17 and was sexually abused from the age of 7.
You really should talk this out with a counselor of some sort. All these painful and enraging experiences swirling around in your mind. You really need to have a safe place to bring them out and process them.
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I know.. I'm just trying to do everything myself because to me, doing it myself makes me a better person, makes me stronger than everyone else, makes me more than good enough
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Feeling the need to prove yourself that way is a heavy burden for anyone. When you say you want to do everything yourself do you mean fix your problems on your own? I know it can be very empowering. Do you think you can do it? I processed my own issues myself but it took me so long, much too long. Please don't suffer any longer than you need to. if I had had insurance, I would have seen a T every day if I could...talk therapy can be very healing.
or have you ever heard of psychodrama? It's where one's T helps one reenact one's traumas but with the chance to change their outcome. I heard it could help but can also be scary if it doesn't as it dredges up all the pain again. It needs to be done by someone well trained in that method.
What can also be very empowering, healing and nurturing is making the right decisions for oneself.....even if it is to seek help from others.
sigh...well, I hope I haven't been too much...just want you to find the peace and happiness you deserve. Oh why can't it be easier????