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Originally Posted by Helloanxiety
My boyfriend has recently been diagnosed with borderline personality. I've looked it up and read all about it and how he feels and thinks. He has told me about how he feels but has never had an explanation behind it. Knowing more about it and knowing how it can affect relationships I'd like some advice from others dealing with this. We do have a very good relationship and no matter how bad his moods get i'd never consider leaving him, but I think I do need help knowing how to help him with this and need a better understanding of it.
I also find it difficult to deal with as from reading about the condition there are times where he could find me unbearable to be with. This panic's me, and I know I shouldn't take it personally, but having anxiety issues and being a "people pleaser" i'm terrified of these rejected feelings he could have towards me. I would really appreciate some advice, thanks all.
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I really admire you for working with your boyfriend and learning ways to help. Maybe you could use help for anxiety and being a "people pleaser" because I can see how being with a bpd would feel really risky all the time since you want to please (be liked? is that the same or no?) When I reject my partner, he gives me space because he is fairly confident that I don't really hate him. I don't know how he gets that confidence except by being very rational (he is a mathematician) and from practice over a long time--knowing that in the past I have always come around and recognized that he is not my enemy here. You want to make people happy; that's lovely, and you don't deserve to feel worried about rejection. So practice being able to turn away for a minute and comfort yourself while he gets some air. I'm not a good therapist so that probably sounds too simplistic...maybe a therapist for you--short course--for dealing with these different personalities and conflicts?