Sometimes therapy feels like this really evil catch-22 where on one hand, it's supposed to be helpful that a therapist responds without judgment to what we say, but on the other, the very fact that you can't know what they're really thinking makes that almost moot. I sometimes feel like tell my T, I don't CARE if you don't tell me you think I'm awful, I CARE that you might THINK that I'm awful regardless of what you say.

Especially if you come from a background where things constantly looked one way but in reality were very different. Or you got the "They just feel sorry for you" line from a parent.

I told my T a few years ago that the more he knew me, the less he would like me, and that I was afraid of the day when he would finally have had enough.

If I had to think about what helped me with this, I'd say it was a combination of things happening inside and outside therapy. Outside therapy, I had to work on fixing up my marriage, in which saying one thing but meaning another was a real problem on my husband's end. I also had to work on allowing myself to believe that my parents made mistakes, and not everything was my fault.

Inside therapy... it just took time. And it took my T a little time to get that he needed to be REALLY consistent with me because I spot every little anomaly and can't let go until I understand it. For me, I had to try to just trust the part of me that wanted to tell T all this stuff about me... that was really hard. But I also realized I had to give T the chance to prove himself, and that it would be unfair for me to just decide that he couldn't handle it before giving him an opportunity. It's taken a lot of him saying the same thing over and over again, and promising, "I will say it as many times as necessary," for me to feel safe about it.

Also, remember that because he's your T, there's a lot of things he can get away with simply not saying. Whether he likes you. Whether he's disgusted by you. And the things that he really shouldn't say, like whether he wants to ride off into the sunset with you. If he is choosing to say something, he probably really means it.