My T talks in terms of a pendulum, either we want to go towards something or pull away from it. My pendulum swings pretty quickly and I go to extremes (that "all or nothing" stuff), love / hate, full / empty etc. So I think the trick is to get it swinging slower so that the positive to negatives are not so extreme (don't ask me how to do this ) - I think it is just about becoming more aware and noticing ourselves.