I've only been in treatment since October. I know it's not long. I feel like I've been waiting for something to click you know. The first time I saw an eating disorder therapist was when I was five. My father almost died, and my home was abusive and chaotic. Which propelled me into restriction for a sense of control. So I'm 33 now, I guess I can't expect a life time of this thinking to be undone in a quick fashion. I'm just worried it might never happen.

I feel like I have a lot of insight into why I do what I do. But it's become so ingrained in me, part of who I am , I know it's not but it's pretty wound up in there. Like what is life like with out it, I don't know.