ok, I went into detail with what happened that caused the hurt. Is that good? Is there less confusion now? Please let me know.

T,

This is really hard for me to bring up and I tried on several occasions to forget about what happened, but I can't get them out of my mind. As you know trust and honesty is very important to me and I feel a little let down by your actions, along with your receptionists. I feel as though I have been lied to by both your receptionist and yourself about my appointment that needed to be cancelled- and it really hurt my feelings. I never questioned why it needed to be cancelled. I just assumed that you were out of the office that day. I should have just left it at that. Things took a turn for the worst when that receptionist wouldn’t let me reschedule for Monday Feb 6th at 8 am. So I settled for Friday the 10th at 2 pm. Then you would say that you have changed you schedule for that day. What troubled me most was when you stated that you wondered what it was about that my appointment on the 8th was cancelled. Then it made me question why I would receive a call from the clinic stating that my appointment needed to be cancelled. It felt like I wasn’t given an honest or straight answer at all from anyone. It troubles me because I would appreciate a reason as to why my appointment would need to be cancelled. The troubled feelings turn to hurt when I had to go and asked a different receptionist last week after I saw you if you are going to be in the office on Feb. 8th and the receptionist said that you would be in the office but you are completely booked that day. I asked if there was anything else available that week and she said "No." I thanked her for checking and she said "It doesn't hurt to ask." I said "Right" but honestly, it hurt SO much more. I asked just to get an idea as to why my appointment "needs to be cancelled" on Feb 8th. I was hoping it would be because you were going to be out of the office but after hearing from the receptionist that you will be in the office that day but your schedule is full, I can only conclude that my appointment was given to someone else. I'm hurting so much from this because I feel like I've been lied to. As you know because I have mentioned it to you before, I already struggle just trying to get in for appointments booked ahead in your schedule and there has been several occasions where I wanted to just give up and stop coming here because of the way I am treated by your front desk, but I continue to tough through it, as uncomfortable as it is, because I believe you are worth fighting for to see. You have helped me in so many ways and I want to continue to see you so you can continue to help me heal. I just want to have mutual respect, openness, and honesty with one another. I don't want to shut down again, I've come too far and I believe that continuing to see you truly will help me heal. How can I heal from this hurt and feeling of being let down and lied to?

I think that if this incident happened about 6-7 months ago, it wouldn’t have affected me this badly. It’s different now. I find myself missing you a lot. There are many days where I’m told that I’m worthless, stupid, a waste of people’s time and energy, and I should just go die because it will give the earth room for much better people to live on it. I miss you so much because not once have I heard such things from you. I feel accepted and it’s what I’ve longed for so much. When I think of my safe place, my thoughts automatically come here. It’s so safe with you here. I long for safety. I’m so grateful to have you in my life even though our time together is limited. There have been times that you have touched my heart so deeply I find it hard to express my feelings about your actions. I've noticed tears in your eyes when I've shared dark moments of extreme pain from my past. The kindness in your eyes never falters and it draws me to share, to confide, to trust.

I like you so much that it hurts. I didn't think I could come to have these feelings of genuinely liking someone again. I disliked the world and the people who inflicted trauma upon me. I was ready to give up on life completely. I was lost and you rescued me somehow. Thanks to you, I've opened up more to family and friends. You've helped give me the strength, courage, confidence, and guidance I desperately needed and still do to reach out to my love ones. Now I spend time with my sisters more than I ever did before and I’ve become so close with my friend who moved far away. You have a very special place in my heart now because when I need strength to help me make it through really hard days, I think of your kindness and somehow it makes things much more tolerable. I don’t think I could ever thank you enough for all your help. I want to move past this hurt but I need your help.