As an Aspergic, I do like to be in control and out-of-control is not comfortable or safe. However, I don't think that is the issue here. I'm sad and angry but I'm not frightened.

Freudians sometimes talk about "the child banging on its parents' bedroom door" [note correct use of apostrophe!] - an image I found triggering when I first heard it in Group. I think this is a useful metaphor. Something to take up with T when she gets back.