I had my session today. It was GREAT! One of the best I have ever had. I don't really know what I did any different, but I am so glad that I talked. I did not have any shut down moments. Maybe some hesitations, but I was still able to carry on a conversation.

I told her about this thread and shared with her some of your insights into why that picture brought about so much emotion. Of course, I kept saying how silly I felt talking about being a child that was about 6 years old. I can't help it. I feel so ridiculous talking about stuff like that. I told her that I felt sad when I looked at the picture because it makes me realize how my life has taken so many wrong turns. This is not where I thought I would be at this stage of my life. Too many mistakes and bad decisions. I am grateful for so many things that I have, but I sure wish I could go back and do some things differently.

I did a lot of small talk to keep the conversation flowing. I found out a little more info about her. Nothing big deal, but little things. I am so glad that I do not have the blank slate therapist. I don't think that would work for me at all. One thing I found out was that she only sees about 6-8 appointments per week. That shocked me a little. I know she is part time, but I thought she saw more than that.

For some reason, that helps me to know that. It makes me feel like I am not such a burden to her. I write her emails between sessions and often worry that she may be getting bombarded by emails from clients. As far as I know, I am the only one who emails her regularly. All in all it was a fabulous session. Thank you for supporting me and giving me the courage to face her one more time! Therapy is so hard.........