you know what bothers me, but i am not sure if its because i've been in therapy too long/over analyze myself way too much...

i work with children all day; in the mornings at a drop-off daycare center at a fitness facility, and in the afternoon with a preschool (2 year olds). So I see a range of 6 week olds (SO CUTEEE) through 2-3 years.

there will be times where i'll be doing my job, nothing stressing on my mind...a normal day, and suddenly i will witness something that makes my heart skip a beat, or i go incredibly sad for literally a second. it passes SUPER quick, so i can't tell if i am looking into things way too much or what.

this just happened tonight at the grocery store actually! i was walking down an aisle looking for something and walked by this mom and her kid. this literally was a 5 second thing, or however long it takes to walk by someone...but i took in this kid (11ish) joking with his mom as they were grocery shopping. Nothing earth shattering, just that he seemed comfortable with her or something. Its tiny moments like those that cause some sort of reaction inside of me. I don't even know how to describe it, mainly because it happens like a flash.

Sometimes it causes a more severe reaction, where all i feel like doing is bursting into tears the one that stands out the most to me is a few years ago. i was working a different position, but still around kids. i was ringing up a mother for something, and while she was waiting she was idly playing with her son's hair and humming. suddenly i had the overwhelming urge to start bawling! it was so weird.

i could go on, but you get the drift. did i notice these type of reactions before i started therapy? no. so am i just making stuff up in my head to find 'memories' of how i wasn't treated as a kid? why would someone have a reaction to these little heartfelt moments if you weren't deprived of them? BUT i don't REMEMBER not having them! or having them...so how on earth do i know?!

THIS IS WHAT DRIVE ME CRAZY!