When I was a child, I believed in a benevolent God. But as I grew older, I then became an atheist. In recent months, I have come to a different conclusion. I believe there is a God but He is imperfect and cruel. I am completely unhappy. I sometimes have pleasures in life but no happiness. This is because I know (because it has happened through out my life) that if I try to do anything warm and loving, I will be savagely and ruthlessly punished. It has happened all throughout my life.