Dear Amandak...I applaud you for taking the plunge here in PC and welcome to the community...here you will find support 24/7...the doors here never close and the people are just so friendly and supportive. I too battle the depression storm constantly and I urge you to seek help in real life through friends and or a physician...I've struggled with life almost 40 years but have gained some good insights into my personal strife with the help of a therapist...and meds...please keep posting here as writing can be very therauputic itself and above all else remember you are loved...