I just got told by a pdoc, who is new to me, that I'm probably "on the bipolar spectrum." For 15 years, now, I've been told alternately: "Yeah, you are bipolar." - "No, you're not." - "Yeah, you are." - "No, you're not." It's back, currently, to "Yeah, you are."

This is not really funny anymore. I am in and out of severe distress, which, quite frankly, I think is due to being unemployed. (I am single and self-supporting.) When something in my life causes me real genuine hardship - like being out of work for an extended period - I become really increasingly distressed, and eventually get told that I'm bipolar. But, anytime I get the problem resolved - say, by managing to get a job that works out - then my diagnosis morphs into some vague chronic depressive issue.

For many years, I've been on amitriptyline, or one of its cousins. The only thing I know for sure is that I am greatly better on it, rather than off it. Every other thing that has been ordered doesn't seem to help much. I was down to just two meds, but now they got me up to 5 meds. I was tried on so many things that they are now just retrying me on stuff that was tried years ago.

I've been up all night because I am so upset trying to think what is what. I was in the hospital recently and was told that my diagnosis was Major Depressive Disorder and that they felt no need to re-think that. Now I get told this today and that I am to start taking Seroquel. The new pdoc says I might feel a lot better on "anti-psychotic" medication. Well, there are meds specific for bipolar disorder - like Valproic Acid. Why would he start with "anti-psychotic" stuff? I got lost listening to the answer.

I lost a job and a fairly decent income. My sig. other is in failing health, and I am very worried about him. I have a spinal problem of my own that I am very worried about. It's only recently that my own physical health has become a significant issue. My next of kin are my siblings, and serious family problems cause very strained relationships. I have a new job to start that I am frightened of. Increasingly, I am having difficult issues with physical pain. I feel distressed badly, at times. I don't think the 5 different psych medications are going to fix what has gone wrong in my life.

I am terribly depressed at the moment. Where I get my care is an awful place. It's a public facility, and it is described, even by staff who work there, as a broken institution. I feel like I have no where else to go, but I'm becoming afraid of this place.

I'm sorry if this is too much angst to put here in the "Welcome" forum. I didn't really know I felt this bad about everything until I started trying to explain it. I've been up all night just thinking.