When I first began treatment, I informed them of those thoughts everytime. I was close to acting on them back then. Now, 20+ years later, I still have them on rare occasions. It isn't scary anymore, at least not overwelmingly scary. My mind covers lots of topics every day. That is just one of many, though not every day. If I perseverate on that act, I go to the ER immediatly, no questions, no excuses. Suicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem. I tattoed a ying-yang to my forearm to always remind me that, "it is darkest just before the dawn." I think feelings are like that, for me. I'll feel bad, then it gets better. On and on the cycle goes. Day turns into night and night turns into day and on it goes, I am not anticipating these cycles to cease. I've learned how to cope with scary self destructive thoughts. PLaying my guitar, walking taking meds, writing and reading online or in books or on paper. Chatting about nothing with people to pass the time and maybe have a laugh. I've found I'm not alone nor am I that different from anyone I've met. I don't know how I became convinced I was better or worse than anyone. Most people, if you can get them to open up and be honest, have thought of suicide, at rare times, I believe. It is when it becomes to be all-consuming and it is the only thought I can think of, tunnel vision(?) I seek help. I would do most anything to stop myself from doing that. I've experienced the mess that victims of suicides are forced to clean up, till they die. If people knew what I burden their selfish act of self destruction would cause, if they let that knowledge into their mind and heart, they would not, most likely, could not, follow through. I can't stop the option from presenting itself, I can react to it appropriatly and try to reduce the chance of it popping up in my mind at all, by living well. Living well is the best way of preventing suicidal thoughts, in my experience. You aren't alone. I wish I could do more. you will get through this; don't consider can't or won't, you will get through this. end of discussion. survive, its non-negotionable(sp) we survive, I don't understand why we question this basic concept, It is a strange world right now. Lord help us, please! best regards..