You're all so lovely and I don't want to mislead you. She was the one that brought up CSA although it has been the unsaid 'thing' on my mind for ages too. I get what I suppose are terrible body memories during s*x, i find it frightening, distressing and it makes me feel like I'm a little girl with someone doing something to her that they shouldn't. I get triggered by csa stuff especially if a little girl is involved. But I don't have any concrete memories just this awful blocked feeling surrounding it.

I just want to stop it all and never go back to T. I want to just not exist. Not sui. Just not be here.