It's such a fine line... on one hand, therapy is about the client's personal reality. But on the other, it's about exploring where that comes from, which sometimes means stepping outside of the client's mind for just little bit.

There are definitely sessions where things have been just too charged for me to step outside and I want to scream at T, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE!" Sometimes it's just too much -- maybe you can work out a way to deal with this with your T.... when your emotions are too big to step away from, maybe you can just say, "I'm sorry, I just can't think about that right now, I need to deal with the things that *I* am feeling." And then you can talk about that first.

In the end, I'm actually very happy that my T doesn't automatically take my side. I do think it means that he cares... because if he just goes only by my interpretation of a situation, he may be ignoring a really important aspect of that situation that could be helping me feel and do better.

The thing is, seeing something from someone else's perspective doesn't mean seeing them as RIGHT. Sometimes I'll talk about something my mom did that made me feel awful, and he'll say, "Do you have any idea where she might have been coming from?" And I know that he asks that not because he thinks she was right or could have been right, but to highlight to me that what she did was not my fault and not deserved, and was rather a result of her failing to deal with her own issues.

Another example: my current boss is kind of a jerk. And for a while he has been purposely impeding my progress in my career because it is advantageous for HIM if he does so (not specifically hurting ME, just not doing the things that will help me... it's a long story and I assure you it is very boring). Of course, he does not say these things to me explicitly. Rather, he offers bizarre excuses for not being helpful. However, because I can see it from his (unethical and most certainly WRONG) perspective, I can choose my battles wisely, and come up with strategies that will satisfy both my needs and his ego. It's a crummy situation, and his actions make me angry... but understanding them does help me, as there IS truth to his point of view (it's just that "true" is not the same as "ethical"). The advice I receive from people who ignore EITHER his point of view OR mine has been pretty useless so far. It's only when the people I go to consider both that they are able to be helpful.

I hope that's addressing what you're asking. Perhaps it would more in real time if you said, "I'll talk about this person's perspective, but I need to know that whatever you do or say with it, you're doing and saying it to support ME"?