It's so retarded...then after all that crap I start getting more into my head asking what the hell is wrong with me...how did my mood completely change when I heard him pull in the driveway? I am totally crazy, I need help, I don't want help, I don't want to talk about this again...blah blah blah ect ect ect. I am getting nervous about talking to this pdoc, it seems like if I ignore my bpd and these groups I live happily naive in la la land, hurting ppl is just par for the course lol. catch 22 indeed.