Nelliecat, I'm very sorry that your T took away the touching. I agree with those who say to talk to your T about it even if you feel now that you don't want to go back.

When my T took away responding to my emails the way I wanted her to, I was devastated because of how good it was before, when she said she would always answer them in detail. It's awful when a T does something you feel good about and then takes it away!

The touching is relevant to me right now, though it's not about CSA. I think you know my T will hold my hand. It feels safe and normal. Last week I was talking about s*xual fantasies with her hand touching me. I was sure she was going to say she wouldn't hold my hand anymore. But she said she still would so we tried it and I reassured her and myself that it still felt safe and "normal".

So, maybe you can "test" it out with your T? Tell her you are devastated by the loss of touch and how it helps you, not hurts you. Our Ts just want whatever they say or do to be helpful, not hurtful. Sometimes they play it by the textbook, but we are unique, not a case in the textbook! I would be honest with my T and tell her if the touch felt wrong to me. Can't Ts trust us a little more about touch?