Hmm, ok bare with me, I am not a good writer.

Things that stick out to me ~ She says you don't express your love enough, you say that you know you are lying when you tell her that you love her. Why do you tell her that you love her if you do not? And I can see why she would be expressing concern or insecurity where that is concerned.

~ Marriage, sickness and in health, You say she is willing to get help, meaning this is not hopeless. Yes the help can be slow, it does sound like she needs a psychiatrist, and therapy. "Seeing monsters" is not just an ocd thing, she needs some real help. You said she had problems with suicide and anxiety and that you knew this going in. That you thought you could "fix" her. Well maybe you still can help, by helping her get professional help. Which you are doing.

~ It sounds like you could also use some professional help, some counseling? Help dealing with your own feelings, feeling on your marriage, figuring out whether or not you love her, want to make it work, or walk away.

You mentioned forgiveness of her, and resentment. To me these things are quite the opposite of each other. I hate to sound harsh, or to take the unpopular opinion, but here it is. Your feelings of being trapped, hopeless, dreams being crushed, wife nagging, well they sound like you are putting this all on her shoulders. But I think you are partly responsible for how you deal with things, and how you view them. Sometimes it's hard to really understand why the other person is doing what they are doing, and not see it as "look what they are doing to ME". Yet you don't love her? When did you stop loving her? Did you ever love her?

She obviously needs some help, but I think you do too. And if you do not love her, there would be no point of even trying to work things out, you can't make yourself love someone, that would not be fair to yourself, nor is it fair to the other person.

I do feel for you, this is not an easy road. I also feel for your wife, I have experienced psychosis, it is it's own kind of personal hell. Your story makes me very sad. I hope you can both find the help you need to get through this situation, weather together or not.

Oh, I wanted to add one more thing, your wife should probably also be checked out by a medical doctor as well, there are many Physical illnesses that can cause hallucinations, some quite serious ranging from brain tumors, lyme disease, and other less serious things such as hyperthyroidism, or lack of certain vitamins, just name a few. I think this should always be a step in ruling things out. One thing that would stand out to me to look at is a possibility of Bipolar, since you mention swings.