I think for me, my relationship with my H has slowly and gradually changed as my relationship (and sense of safety and connection) with T has deepened.

So it wasn't like....step one, learn to have a relationship with T, step two, apply that to H. It's kind of all happening at the same time.

T is safe. Safe, safe, safe. So it's easier with him. My H is obviously much more emotionally invested in my life, and is certainly not going to hide his own opinions, feelings, reactions, etc., so it's harder with him. But even so, I'm more willing to be a little more open with him than I used to be.

My H has commented on the fact that he knows nothing about my past, and I do think that bothers him a little bit sometimes. But in the here and now, I'm learning to open up more and be more honest about my feelings, and even though that was a little bumpy at first, it's turning into a good thing.

The changes are slow, and scary. But worth it.