Saw my therapist today. We tried HYPNOSIS for the first time together. Before we started, I asked her if hypnosis was going to make me "go crazy again." She asked me if that's what I thought happened last time because she didn't see it that way. She thought I had just gotten more in touch with what I was feeling at the time. But then she said it should have happened earlier in the session and it was like "C'mon skycastle, it's time to go now" ((waves arms)) <--That's what she actually said/did.

I'm not sure if she meant that to be expressing what she felt or what she thought I felt or what. But... I felt kind of bad afterwards Because there was a point in the last session when I told her I wasn't sure I should do anymore relaxation exercises because I needed to get myself together for work, but she pushed me to keep going, and I went along with it. I should've know I'd react by breaking down and I should've said no and I should've stopped myself from crying

I feel kind of separated from the ME that was crying, then. I feel like a bad person because her comfort made me feel better and I thought her inviting me into her office meant it was sort of okay... but now it's clear that I let myself get upset and it was bad timing and she was just reluctantly helping me. And part of me is angry and sad because last week I felt that SHE pushed ME, and SHE didn't time things well, and I was really scared and crying and disconnected from it and I was on auto-pilot and probably woul have gone and done something stupid if she hadn't been there.

Mleh.