Quote:
Originally Posted by hankster
This is kind of abstract, and I'm a little confused. A month or so ago I read all the original posts, so I THINK I understand why MT stopped seeing you, or decreased his practice, or whatever he did? For one thing, I think he was WAY out of line in his original actions. But come to the end, I don't think current T can legally (or really wants to) speak to MT's specific issues, and that's what it sounds like you are asking for. If that's what you are basing your willingness to trust a T on, then yeah, I get what you're saying about not being able to tell about what's real and what's not real. Only I wouldn't say "real", I would say, as 3rdTime once explained to me here, the difference between concept and ... I forget the other word. The point is, your current T yes has a responsibility to help you with your feelings about MT, but it was never his responsibility to tell you exactly what MT was doing with his practice. He is not there to inform you, especially if it's a problematic situation for MT. Why would he want to "borrow" MT's problems, or in any way make them his own? So T dealt with you at the level of information you had. I think that is all he could do, ethically.
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Thanks Hankster for your reply.
For a very abbreviated clarification, my H and I had been seeing MT for a long,long time. We were scheduled to go to appointment one day and I happened to email him that day to confirm. I received an automated reply stating he was no longer in private practice. I sent an email and he responded. The first time, he responded defensively saying he had sent us several emails notifying us of his departure. When I emailed again writing that was untrue. He wrote back and apologized saying he had looked back in his records and had never sent. In the first email, I asked for the opportunity to process and he replied, with his apology, that he was unable to meet because he had to leave suddenly to take another position in another town. I learned he never left completely....he reduced his client load.
There are NO easy answers here, I agree. Had he shared the truth with me it would have hurt, also. No doubt.
I struggle with T's part in all of it.
A few months after MT's departure, T and I ruptured. He had shared a personal email I sent him with a staff member. In processing the rupture, T and I talked about TRUST. How difficult it is for me to trust others. T asked me to trust the process, even in those moments it felt like I didn't trust him.
Weeks later, I saw something in T's office which made me think MT *might* still there. Basically, I convinced myself, I was wrong. ( I didn't trust myself after T#1 termination) I thought I was over-reacting, hypervigilant. I reminded myself to trust the process. Blah, blah, blah.
Recently, I learned the truth. It's hard not to fall back into the old patterns. It
is hard for me to know what is true and not true...real and not real. I spent my entire life being lied to by others and lying to myself.
I do wish i could just snap out of it and KNOW.