You are definitely not alone here! I too am in the same boat. I feel nothing at all and I am sick of it. I miss my old lively, witty, charming self who had a lust for life that would not quit.

I'm so torn because though my meds have transformed me into a completely new person, a person that I am still getting to know, they have made me a calmer, saner, more stable person.

I don't know what is worse, feeling everything so intensely or not feeling anything at all.

I definitely don't miss the dangerous side of my manic episodes. With that said I think chosing to stay mediacted is the right choice... when you find the right combo.

Talk to your doctor and therapist (if you have one), let them know how you feel. Let your mother be a constant reminder that you have something to keep fighting for.

Hope this helps.