Coldwut...,

That sounds, according to what you typed, to be abusive and a pattern of abusivness. You can allow yourself to know you were victimized. You were an innocent child, it was wrong.

This sounds like a memory that you NEED to share with your T or pdoc. You can't allow yourself to be afraid of your mom. I hope she is far away and you feel safe now. You need to help you, your T and pdoc can help you to help you. They will protect you. You can feel safe now. Its OK. Good luck with therapy