Thanks so much for sharing. Am not in a good enough state for much more than clicking HUGS, but wanted to say HAVE HOPE! I'm also an addict with chronic pain.

I honestly don't know what I would do.

Probably fall back into addiction/death. I'm only 5 months clean, and am NOT a strong person.

HONESTLY, (take this with a grain of salt, as this is a newly clean addict, with many personal problems and crappy health, and I'm also tired, and have never been known for good judgement) I would probably assess your pain/problems/joys/situations, and work out if it really IS all worthwhile. I'd run it past some good friends who really CARE about YOU, and wait a bit and see if you still think it's logical in 6 months or so.

Health conditions ARE manageable, if a bit suckily, and your life is probably truly worthwhile and meaningful, to many, and a good care plan with your doctor, meds/good rest/stuff that helps could be a good option.

I know here in Australia, for addicts/alcos there is a Pain Management Clinic specifically for us. I'd look into it, if you haven't already.

*huggy*