I dont think anyone here is interested in what I have to say but I’ll say it anyways cuz Im pissed off and there’s no one else to hear me.

I went to this pdoc for the 2nd time yesterday and she said I have histrionic personality disorder. I don’t see that, but she’s an expert should I believe her then??? Well, I don’t know what I am, I cant see myself, I could not describe myself when she asked me to, I could not tell her if I was always like this, I cant recall when things started to go wrong, I don’t recall how I was as a child or a teenager; so if she can see the symptoms below, maybe I should trust her.

1 - Exhibitionist behavior. – NO!

2 - Constant seeking of reassurance or approval. – Yes, I always feel rejected. Of course I seek approval and Im always making sure that people love me!

3 - Excessive dramatics with exaggerated displays of emotions, such as hugging someone they have just met or crying uncontrollably during a sad movie (Svrakie & Cloninger, 2005). – NO!

4 -Excessive sensitivity to criticism or disapproval. – Yes, same of number 2

5 - Proud of own personality, unwillingness to change and any change is viewed as a threat. – LOL Really?? I hate myself. Im ashamed of who I am. I feel ugly, guilty, annoying, disgusting and of course I want to change. So, NOOOOO!

6 - Inappropriately seductive appearance or behavior. – NO comments. ¬¬” Ok I have to say something. I hate my body, I hide it most of the time! I live in Rio and I don’t even go to the beach so I don’t have to show my body!!! How could she think that????!!!!

7 - Somatic symptoms, - Yes - and using these symptoms as a means of garnering attention. – Maybe.

8 - A need to be the center of attention. – Im shy. I like attention but I hate to be the center of peoples attention. I almost hide from people so they wont notice me!

9 - Low tolerance for frustration – Yes - or delayed gratification. - NO.

10 - Rapidly shifting emotional states that may appear superficial or exaggerated to others. – Yes. And sometimes I feel everything at the same time. Like now… Im sad and angry and confused and at the same time I can joke and laugh with my “friends”.

11 - Tendency to believe that relationships are more intimate than they actually are. – Yes. I usually don’t like people but I get very attached to some people that I consider special. I get close to them very fast and its very intense for me.

12 - Making rash decisions. – I don’t make decisions at all. So, NO!

I got so mad at her. I liked her but it really made me angry the fact that she saw me that way. Somehow she made everything worse! I didn’t know who I was before and now I have more questions! Am I like this??
Oh! She said therapy would be good for me to learn how to deal with people but I read “People with this disorder are usually able to function at a high level and can be successful socially and professionally. People with histrionic personality disorder usually have good social skills” – Social Skills? I don’t have any. If I had I wouldn’t be so needy and annoying and people wouldn’t have to ask me to stop sending so many emails and calling so many times. (I just do this things to be sure that people I love are still there for me..). I don't know how to approach people. I couldn't even speak there. I just sat there and gave her a letter! I was very honest (I told her about si and ed tendencies) and she probably thought I was seeking attention!

I want to cry and cut!! I want to cut!!!! grrrrrrr

What you guys think? Please help me!