This made me smile that is so how it is for me (apart from substitute the word love for something a little less open )

Yes I agree that the thoughts about the thoughts, feelings about the feelings are maybe the worse thing, could it be worse? Maybe saying it out loud will somehow make it more real, but I am not sure.

I have never contemplated not fighting these feelings - I have just realised that love at any level is just too scarey and confusing for me - but what if I could just stop fighting, what might happen.....definitely something for me to think about.

But what if I allow these feelings to develop, maybe it would allow me to be more open with T - but then it is a business arrangement isn't it? How does that work? I don't share with my doctor, dentist, car mechanic that I love them (not that I do love them of course ) but how can I feel for someone who is doing a job for me - it just doesn't make sense.

Thank-you for your food for thought - Soup