I shared last night a really long email that I wrote to my ex T for closure (no need to read it, it's very long: http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=215778)
She wrote back by 8am this morning and I truly need some help feeling OK with it. What she writes about deciding to go to once a week in consultation w/ your psychiatrist - someone whom I'd met with about 4 times for meds only - was done 3.5 months after she made the switch, it wasn't done "in consultation with her" initially. She also only encouraged me to get a consultation w/ another therapist - she didn't recommend I leave. In fact, I found an email where she gives me the name/numbers of two other therapists and then says "but my recommendation is to stay w/ me as your therapist." So here it is:

Dear Eastcoaster,

I've been meaning to write you for some time now, and you beat me to it. I am leaving for a trip tomorrow with my dad, so unfortunately, I can't reply to everything you wrote. But I am super glad that you have found a therapist that truly works for you, and it sounds like the feeling is mutual. I am saddened by the fact that you have so many bad feelings about our time together, and even feel that I have hurt you significantly. There are some things that you remember incompletely, or inaccurately, but you do have to go on your perceptions and your memories and your feelings. I want you to keep doing that, and not fear that you will hurt me. You proceed valiantly to be you, fully and powerfully.

Your letter is thoughtful and well-written and I can hear the anger and pain from our relationship. I can also hear the confidence and stability you feel from how you and new Tare working together. Given how strongly you feel about how I hurt you, I wonder whether I should have "made" you transfer to another therapist. Do you remember how I tried? Do you remember how I encouraged you to do just that? But you were leaving soon and you didn't want to start over with someone else. I think we both accepted that. I guess what you are saying is that when you came back from France, after I set the limit on one time a week, which yes, was in consultation with your psychiatrist, that I should have insisted on you transferring. Would that have been the lesser of two evils? I don't know, Eastcoaster. Would you have felt rejected by me? Would you have had enough time to bond with someone new? These are things that weighed heavily on my mind. And all through it was a deep love and caring for you. You have to know that and feel that. Or at least I want you to have felt that. During our "tenure" together, I went to receive additional training to help me with our specific issues that were coming up. I am sorry that it was too late for you and me.

I think it still is easy to see me as the bad person therapist here...both for you and new T. And I would caution both of you in doing that. I can totally see how some of your issues w/ your parents got re-enacted...being seen as too much, for example. I sincerely tried conveying to you my care for you and our relationship by continuing to meet faithfully every week, and with a sincere desire to be consistent to you. I can see how over the course of the 2 + years together, that you experienced the inconsistencies too. We always notice when somebody wasn't there for us...it hurts terribly.

I am proud of you, Eastcoaster. I wish you health and wholeness and you do whatever it is you need to do to heal with new T. Trash me, shake your fists in the air, curse me, cry for what I didn't give you. You will always remember I think that I heard most all of your anger, pain, and frustration. I will try to internalize your words, your thoughts, and your feelings into making me be a better therapist. Please know you are cherished and loved.

I do apologize for not writing after you wrote this summer. I am not defending myself, but ...my mother did pass away this summer and the loss to me and my family has obviously been huge. I cut back on my client load and haven't even yet come back up to full steam. On the bright side, my dad and I are leaving tomorrow for a ski trip together...traveling just the 2 of us will be fun, sad, anxiety-provoking, and joyous!

be well... I wanted to respond back quickly. I hope it somewhat helps.

love,
Ex T