"idea of slowing myself down makes me freak out" is an indication that you have thoughts that are frightening to you which you are covering up or excluding from conscious deliberation by keeping your mind occupied with thought busyness or even trivial thinking.Meditation will make these thoughts more apparent to you but the urgent importance of that is clear.If you are being victimized by frightening thoughts then you most likely will be suffering from severe symptoms,anxiety being the most apparent.Uncovering self-destructive thoughts so that you can in time eliminate them,may be the greatest benefit that meditation will give you.If you do encounter these thoughts,then it is best to discontinue meditation until you and your therapist have dispelled them.