Absolutely, you've hit the nail on the head with all that you wrote in the first paragraph -- a combination of these things. She needed to step back and recognize that she *couldn't* be an effective therapist for me.

It was kind of her to write back immediately and I appreciate her emphasizing that she was listening to what I said. I'm not sure about the closure - the fact that she wrote questions seems to me an invitation to respond and unresolved. Yet, I am resolved and felt closure after writing this letter: she did her best, her best hurt me and set me back in my therapy yet she was unable/unwilling to see this, and I've moved on to a therapy relationship that is healing for me - both for past/present family issues and my relationship w/ ex T. She loved me a lot, but as the NIN song says,

Hey, the closer we think we are
Well it only got us so far
Now you got anything left to show
No no I didn't think so
Hey, the sooner we realize
We cover ourselves with lies
But underneath we're not so tough
And love is not enough