Quote:
Originally Posted by SoupDragon
I have never contemplated not fighting these feelings - I have just realised that love at any level is just too scarey and confusing for me - but what if I could just stop fighting, what might happen.....definitely something for me to think about.
But what if I allow these feelings to develop, maybe it would allow me to be more open with T - but then it is a business arrangement isn't it? How does that work? I don't share with my doctor, dentist, car mechanic that I love them (not that I do love them of course  ) but how can I feel for someone who is doing a job for me - it just doesn't make sense.
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I eventually found that all those feelings surrounding T wasn't about T at all. Substitute all other significant relationship I had/have and I felt the same way... fighting feelings, trust/love was scarey and confusing, etc... So I realized that "trusting/loving" my T. was more about learning to be open and vulnerable enough to realize I want and needed those feelings in real life and being able to meet those needs with relationships outside the therapeutic relationship... I guess I view it as practicing...seeing that I survived being vulnerable with T. and I can do it with others..
I never said a word about it to T. I'm sure he knew it was going on but I wouldn't go there... I started talking about it a little as a correlation to some spiritual issues that I am having... Now that I'm on the otherside of all those feelings its not so scarey... My feelings about my feelings are way more accepting than they were.