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Originally Posted by Open Eyes
There's a certain member here who will go unnamed and who reminds me of my father. ~quote Michael
I have had some of this happen to me as well, I have had two narcissists in my childhood that profoundly effected me. My father had narcissitic tendancies and my sister was constantly over ruling me. I was invalidated in all kinds of ways and the message that seemed to come out was that I had no right to my own opinion. When I come accross messages that touch on that, I do react, and not always appropriately.
I was invalidated so much in my life and not really taught how to overcome that by seeing someone else handle it effectively.
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Actually, I don't believe I reacted inappropriately. The dispute ... rather, one small bit said by the member in question ... just reminded me of my father. And I thought I'd address some unresolved issues I had with my father instead of arguing with the aforementioned member, as most of it is just incessant drivel anyway.
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The problem with acting out on cues that remind us of a toxic person we experienced, is that sometimes we fail to see who the other person is or even that this person may have a similar issue. As I mentioned, I had this very same scenario happen to me and I REALLY had to stop and think about what it meant. This really IS a challenge when we have some very disturbing imprints that are negetive and opressive. If two people come from a similar oppressive background, it can result in only giving rise to the anger and it simply is NOT truely fruitful. It can escalate in a very bad direction because both people are expressing anger that is ingrained in them from the same kind of controling force. Once anger kicks in, reason goes out the window just about every time. It can be a problem for both individuals and hard to not continue looking at that other person as a source to let out old anger, or deep anger from the origninal source.
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I never allow anger to get in the way of reason.