I eventually found that all those feelings surrounding T wasn't about T at all. Substitute all other significant relationship I had/have and I felt the same way... fighting feelings, trust/love was scarey and confusing, etc... So I realized that "trusting/loving" my T. was more about learning to be open and vulnerable enough to realize I want and needed those feelings in real life and being able to meet those needs with relationships outside the therapeutic relationship... I guess I view it as practicing...seeing that I survived being vulnerable with T. and I can do it with others..

I never said a word about it to T. I'm sure he knew it was going on but I wouldn't go there... I started talking about it a little as a correlation to some spiritual issues that I am having... Now that I'm on the otherside of all those feelings its not so scarey... My feelings about my feelings are way more accepting than they were.