They changed my start day at the job from Monday to Tuesday. So now I could invite my dearest friend over to watch the Super Bowl at my house. I have hi-def TV: he doesn't.

The place is a mess, and I am afraid I can't get the place picked-up enough to be able to invite him. This, as all long-term true depressives will know, is the nitty grity of what depression does to one's life. I am not who I used to be able to be. I am afraid to commit to anything for fear that I'll fail to do what would be involved in keeping the promise.

I've gone to apathy, as an escape from fear. It's like being unable to do anything. I was going to say it's like being paralyzed; but that would be to blaspheme against the mercy that had been shown me - who really can walk okay and use my arms and hands. I feel disgraced, thinking of the courage of others without soundness of body and limb, who do the best they can and patiently endure their limitations, but accomplish more than I do - so much more than I do.