nash so sorry you are upset. sounds like your brother uses alcohol to self medicate re his situ. not a reason but an excuse imho.
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Stop any behaviors that have enabled the alcoholic to hide in their addiction.
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and we can't change others/"save him." and their decisions. but we can change ourselves in how to cope wih this. have you tried al-anon. great support system and it helps us to learn ways to cope wth this situ.
also you will find support in the addictions and ACOA forums here-tho you are not a child/ACOA.
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Participate in a support group with other families experiencing the same crisis. It will help you to be able to talk to other people that are going through the same difficulties.
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Coping-Not Codependence: One of the sad things about being codependent to an alcoholic is how easy it is to believe their lies. Our love for them overshadows the obvious truth...and we begin to live in denial just like the one we love. We become addicted to the neediness of our alcoholic loved one. Instead, we need to learn to cope with them rather than enable them. No, we won't believe their words...only their actions. We will protect the rest of the family from them but we won't enable them by excusing or supporting them in any way as long as they continue in their addiction. Coping with an alcoholic means being tough and confronting them. It means setting clear boundaries and not changing them just because the addict makes a fuss. It means letting them live in the consequences of their actions...even if they lose their job or freedom due to a jail sentence. Calling in to work, making excuses, bailing them out of jail actually helps them continue in their addiction. You don't love an alcoholic by holding them up. Loving them means letting them hit the ground until they learn to hate falling more than they love drinking.
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i wish you well.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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