using AA coping skills i learned that anger, a secondary emotion, results from fear, the primary emotion. then it's a process to use the angry emotions and re-direct them to a constructive approach. simply put it's working thru them to minimize the feelings of anger. one finger pointing outwards=3 fingers pointing back at us, as the saying goes. what constitutes our part instead of the other person's part?
hope this helps. seems like you aleady understand some of this already. 
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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