Lots of great advice here! I have been happily gaining progress with my T I am in love with for 2 years almost. She knows about my feelings for her and so does my husband. Fortunately, they both understand me: I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS...that's just me and that's it. My husband listens...I have cried on his shoulder about my feelings for my T. My husband and I haven't had sex for a long time (long story) and of course I don't have sex with my T (she explicitly told me she would not have sex with me and I believe her. She has also explicitly told me that my feelings are my feelings. And that my feelings for her--which are not ONLY sexual--make her feel good) so I am overwhelmingly emotional, and I am learning that I can sometimes comfort and satisfy myself--NOT ALWAYS. I will never be cured of needing a lot of love. So I hope my T and my husband aren't expecting perfection here. I agree with SallieBrown about letting husband off the hook. I had never thought of it that way. And I need to think about this for myself, thanks SallieBrown and wintergirl. I feel very close to you both because we have some similar intense issues and you are both so kind and thoughtful about all of this. I am going to FR you both. I need you.