I'm not sure if you are in college or not, but if you are try and see if your school has a counseling program! I think it would be really beneficial for you to talk to someone. Suicidal thoughts are often very hard to get rid of on your own. It takes a lot of strength to ask for help, but its strength that each of us has! Sometimes we just don't realize that. I really think you should try and talk to a therapist or your parents about this! If any of your friends know how you have been feeling then maybe ask one of them to go to therapy with you. Sometimes its a lot easier to have someone you trust in the room with you. Just some thoughts, but please talk to someone! There is so much to live for, even if we can't always see it at times