"Life is so difficult when disconnected from others."

I question that. I am living alone now. It is the first time in my life that I have not lived with someone else. It is also the first time that I have not been abused on a regular basis. I like being alone better. I am still sad, I still cry, I am still angry, but there is less junk building up day by day.

I know that I am not truly safe, even though I try to be alone. I know that because others are always going to be around, unless I move to that island. It will always be possible to become someone's target again. But I can lessen those odds greatly.

I chose to decrease the odds that I will ever be abused again on a regular basis.

I can not be abused again if there are no abusers around. I have learned that I attract them.

Why do you feel life is more difficult when you are disconnected from others?

I have ways to connect with people who can not hurt me, at least not terribly. Like PC. I come here to give and get help and support. If someone says something that hurts me, I can move on quickly because I do not know that person and they do not know me. My identity is not caught up in what they think of me. I am a valid person with or without them.

That is not always the case when I am in a relationship with a SO. Or even not that intimate of a relationship. Maybe just a friend. If a friend I have known for a while says something negative about me or to me, I do take it to heart. I examine myself to see if what they said could be true. I think in part that is because of the identity distortion we BPDers suffer. I am always looking for direction from someone else to tell me who and what I am. When no one else is there, then I find me, at least parts of me.

Am I just rambling, or does this make sense to anyone?