as a kid i learned to keep suicide as an option..it kept me sane thru all the abuse...i told my t that & my primary doc. they know this...they also know that when things get really very bad i will usually let them know...& then if need be i will go with prodding to the er for the all (well almost) expense paid "vacation" at chez bin.

i have been so close to death a few times...only that i believe god stopped me...because he must have a plan for me...otherwise....

my doc's all ask periodically if i am on the ledge...& i am honest with them

suicide is still an option i hang on to...it is an option that i hold close...an old habit that kept me alive as a child...it's hard to explain...& one that i hope i won't ever have to use.