Hi joeybear, welcome to PC.

Im sorry to hear your struggling atm. I guess if we desire to get better and are committed to recover we can claw our lives back. Are you in therapy? If you haven't had a psych evaluation get to your doc immediately and see if you can be referred for one. Do you have a list of numbers you can call in a crisis? maybe go and stay with someone you trust or a visit a place you enjoy going if your feeling increasingly unsafe. Good luck and keep posting on here should you need any more support/advice.